Tuesday, May 25, 2010


wow, its been way too long since ive updated. ive missed reading all your blogs so much! i need to get back in here so i can stay on track with everything better. sadly, i guess this is what it takes haha. i havent really made any progress since my last update and that was almost 4 months ago! so yeah, i obviously didnt make my goal for my florida trip although i did have a lot of fun. on my very last full day there i got a really bad sunburn. ok let me rephrase...worst sunburn of my life haha. i got sun poisoning and i was sick for weeks from it. my legs are scared. thank god its really light and i think its still fading. the same day i got back, my boyfriend came to "visit" from his place in vermont and 7 weeks later, hes still here haha. hes finally moving here. 2 weekends ago him and me went up to vermont to get a bunch of his stuff to bring here. were both still in my parents house right now actually. he got a job about 1 hr and 15 min north of here and is looking for an apartment up there and im sure ill move up there soon haha. but ever since hes been here i feel like ive been eating nothing but fast food and junk everyday. i havent been keeping track of my intake. i havent been working out. i feel terrible about it. amazingly, i havent been gaining weight. ive stayed about the same. ill weigh myself tomorrow and go from there. yeah, i havent been gaining weight but ive definitely been feeling super sluggish and bloated from all the junk. summer is here and my body is so far from ready! =( im pretty determined to get back on track though. especially with my boyfriend here and him seeing me a lot more. he always tells me he loves how i look and i dont need to change but obviously we dont see the same thing. sometimes i feel like my self consciousness is ruining our relationship because he gets really annoyed by it and i dont blame him. i guess thats just more motivation for me to start getting serious again about losing weight.

well anyways, i didnt get a whole lot of sleep last night so i need to get to bed. but its definitely good to be back and im looking forward to catching up with everyone! have a good night everyone!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010


it's been a few days since i've updated. last friday for my weigh in i was supposed to be 130 and i was 131. not a huge deal. i wanna be 127 this friday and i'm 129 right now. it's going a little slower than i want it to but at least it's progress. i've been lazy about working out tho. kinda. sunday i wore heels that hurt my feet really bad and i wore them for 8 hrs of work and then i went to get a few things at wal mart afterwards and by the time i got home i could literally hardly walk. my right foot has been screwed up since then. it still hurts like fuck to walk on. i'm really pissed about it cuz i haven't ran at all this week. there's no way i could. well this afternoon i'm going over to babysit until friday night because their parents are going out of town. hopefully tomorrow and friday i can come home and run while they're at school. it's slowly getting better. hopefully it'll be fine tomorrow. hopefully i can keep myself from binging the whole time i'm there. i'm taking a bunch of my own food along so i have low calorie stuff to fill up on. my goal is to stay there as much as possible during the days and not come home. if i'm there i'm allowed to be lazy and do nothing but drink coffee all day haha. i need to be 127 by friday...

only 37 days left until florida

-b/l: coffee - 40
-d: tba

Thursday, February 11, 2010

bored at work

wish tonight was going faster. my mom just brought me coffee from the coffee shop in town. yay. instant better mood haha. i haven't really been keeping track of my calories today. unfortunately. altho i haven't had anything terrible i guess. no real meals. when i was babysitting i had to frost a cake and i tasted the frosting haha. oops. and the kids had subs from subway and dorritos. i didn't get anything from subway but i had a few dorritos. not a lot tho. i can't even remember if i had anything else or not. i dont think so. i had quite a bit of orange juice tho. ugh. they always have really high calorie orange juice at their house and i always drink a ton. i get the trop50 stuff for myself at my house.

i got paid today. that means i gotta go grocery shopping soon. i live with my parents but i buy most of my own groceries. my mom refuses to pay for most of the things i get because she says it's too expensive. i dont really care. i don't think she should have to pay for my groceries considering i'm 21 and live there rent free haha. but it annoys me that i'm the only one in my family who eats even relatively healthy. my mom will buy the absolute worst things you can put in your body as long as its cheap. thats all she cares about when she goes grocery shopping.

both my parents are overweight. doesn't surprise me at all. i'd probably be in shock if they weren't lol. my 18 yr old brother eats like a pig but he's insanely skinny. of course. he gets the good genes haha. my 14 year old brother eats like shit too. he's a little pudgy but he's still pretty skinny. he hasn't hit his growth spurt yet so i'm sure when he stretches out a little he'll be insanely skinny too haha. not fair.

anyways, sorry for my rambling lol. i'm just so bored. i'm excited for my weigh in tomorrow. i wanted to work out but i dont think thats an option right now. i babysit 9-3 and work 3-11 again. well of course its an option but unfortunately i'm not a morning person. i wish i could force myself to get up and run at 5. its just hard when i don't usually go to sleep til like 1 at the earliest.

actually what i could do is (assuming the older 2 kids have school) bring the 1 kid to my house for a while and plop her down in front of the TV while i work out and then get ready for work lol. definitely a possibility. well idk else to ramble about so i guess i'll watch a movie on netflix or something haha. i'll update tomorrow...

day 5

all is going well still. trying really hard to not weigh myself again til friday. i'll be happy with 130 or less.

-b: coffee - 45
-l: water - 0
-d: tba

i'm off to babysit til a little before 3. then straight to work til 11...

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

day 3

i'm really happy with how everything is going. didn't binge at all yesterday. haven't binged since saturday night actually. amazing.

i decided i don't really need to post my daily distractions because things come up and i might not be able to get everything done or i might want to change one of the things on my list. i'm not going to punish myself for not finish all 50 things by the end of the week because the whole purpose of the list is to keep me distracted from binging and thats exactly what it did yesterday.

-b: egg beaters - 60
2 ritz crackers -32
coffee x2 - 90
-l: double cheeseburger - 510
-d: grilled cheese sandwhich
TOTAL: ???/???

-treadmill - 40 min - intervals
20 min - lower body workout

i gotta babysit from 9-1 today. ugh i hope to god i dont binge there. like i usually do. gonna go with my 'drink a glass of water every hour' plan to keep me full. then i'll work out after i get home. i'll update later i suppose.

another storm coming. the lady whose kids i babysit texted me just as i was leaving and said i don't have to come today because the roads are already getting bad. i'm happy lol. i'm still working on my second cup of coffee though so i'm not gonna run until a little later.

today didn't go exactly as planned. as far as my intake. my parents brought home burger king for lunch for them and my brothers. i told them before that i didn't want anything but they brought home an extra sandwhich anyways. a double cheeseburger. ugh. i was really weak and pretty hungry. i couldn't stop myself =( then my mom made grilled cheese sandwhiches for supper and i couldn't stop myself from that either. the funny thing is i'm lactose intolerant haha. (cheese is the only dairy product i have issues living without) i know there's stuff like lactaid and whatever else but even if i take that i still get super bloated and feel really shitty. fuck me. i won't be laughing soon.

my workout went well though. i did a butt workout on the treadmill and yeah i'd definitely say it kicked my butt haha. i couldn't even finish. i was gonna do a lower body workout after that but yeah. that kinda went out the window when i stepped off the treadmill and could hardly walk lol.

buuuut! i'm ok with everything that happened today because i weighed myself after my workout and it was 130. im soooo excited. considering i was 135.5 less than 5 days ago. no, i dont believe that i lost 5.5 lbs of pure fat in a few days but i also know that it wasn't all water weight because i've been drinking about 70 oz a day so i'm really excited. all i gotta do is keep this up. i wanted to be 130 by friday and since its only tuesday maybe i can get down to 129 or 128 even. if not idc. i'll be so happy with 130. and then work for 127 next week.

Monday, February 8, 2010

day 2

didn't binge last night. i'm soooo happy. i didn't weigh myself today yet. i prolly will after my work out. don't have much to say other than i'm so impressed about not binging last night after work haha. and i didn't even eat all my planned intake. yayyy.

-b: coffee - 45
-l: water - 0
-d: soup - 175
TOTAL: 220/220

-treadmill - 65 minutes - 620 cals
-1 hr weights/other

-laundry! (i have soooooo much to do)
-100 random crunches apart from workout
-look through recipe books and find some new recipes
-exfoliate whole body
-cut my bangs
-clean out/reorganize cupboard in bathroom
-clean bathroom mirror and countertop

just finished my treadmill work out. i feel so good right now. i'm takin a quick water break right now before i do my weights work out so i thought i'd do a quick update.

i think this list idea is gonna be a really good thing for me. i've been busy doing things since i woke up. i haven't had time to even think about food let alone binge. i haven't eaten in about 18.5 hours and im barely hungry. i am a little bit but not enough to bother me. definitely gonna wait til dinner. not sure what we're having. or if mom's even cooking anything. either way i'm gonna try to just have half a can of some kind of soup and then maybe the other half later if i feel like binging tonight.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

day 1?

i really hate myself for this and it's super embarrassing but yes, i'm starting over. last week was horrible. i wanted to be 130 by friday and last night i was still 133. ughhh!

i have no idea why i'm upset. i know exactly what my problems are so it's my own damn fault. i literally worked out once. and my biggest issue is my night time binges. half the time when i do those i'm not even hungry. sometimes i am. but usually i'm not. i come home from work and watch tv and everyone know watching tv can cause mindless binging lol.

this week is going to be different. today while i'm at work i'm going to perfect my work out plan and i also remembered something i read a long time ago on another blog or something. every week i'm going to make a list of 50 things that i need to do that week. they can be chores or just anything really to keep me busy like doing my nails or something. these are going to be my distractions for the week. so hopefully when i come home and turn on the tv and i feel like eating, i can find something to do on my list instead. i think i'm going to have a punishment if i don't complete my list. i'm just not sure what it is yet. any suggestions?

i also have another idea. since hot foods like soup and stuff are supposed to expand in your stomach and make you fuller, i wonder if i had a cup of soup every night before i came home from work i'd stop binging afterwards. i can never just come home from work and go straight to bed cuz i always need some time to unwind or else i would and wouldn't have to worry about my late night munchies problem lol. but maybe some soup will keep me full. i'm gonna try it tonight and if it works, i think i'm gonna look up some good recipes for vegetable or cabbage soup and make a huge batch and freeze it so it lasts a while and then do that every night.

b: coffee - 45
l: nothing - 0
s: pudding - 70
jell-o - 10
lima beans -160
d: fat free cream of mushroom soup -175
TOTAL 275/460

i feel really good about this plan. i know i've said that before haha. MANY times. but i'm really excited. so today while at work i'm going to figure out a super good work out plan and make my list. i was debating on whether or not i should post my list. i feel like it would be more affective and motivating to me if everyone else saw it and was holding me accountable for it. haha whether anyone reads it or not. but rather than posting the full list every sunday, i think i'll divide it up into what i want to get done each day. so this week it's only going to be 6 days but every week after will be 7. so this week i'll have roughly 8 things to do a day.

well anyways i need to go shower and get ready for work. i'll update later

yay i get to go home in 27 minutes! not that i'm counting down or anything haha. so i've been drinking water and i'm not hungry at all. i was planning on having my soup right before i go home but my stomach honestly hurts from probably drinking so much water and i really don't want to eat. i dont think i' going to worry about any binging tonight. i'm tired. and i haven't finished my list yet so i'll probably go straight to my room when i get home and finish that and then go to bed.

Friday, February 5, 2010

day 5

terrible day! i dont know what happened! i binged. after doing so good yesterday too =( i didn't have time to run before work because my mom had a ton of shit for me to do. and today was my first weigh in day and i didn't weigh myself cuz i was scared =(

well the snow is coming down like crazy here. i think we're up to about 3 inches at least right now and it just started a couple hours ago. the roads are terrible. i'm at work now and i brought clothes for tonight and stuff incase i got snowed in. my mom brought me and doesn't wanna come out to get again later because of all the snow so i guess i'm stuck here tonight. which isn't terrible. i was kind of hoping i'd get snowed in because i hardly brought any food and i might not get to go home until tomorrow night after work at 11 so it'll serve me right for binging today lol. all i got is a 10 calorie cup of jello, 70 calorie cup of pudding, 50 calorie thing of yogurt, and a carton thing of chocolate soy milk so the next time i weigh myself i better be 130.

got my work schedule for next week and i'm off mon, tues, and wed. i'm really excited about it because i wanna spend at least 2 hrs each of those days working out. everytime i start losing weight after being at a standstill, the first 5 or so pounds are really easy (maybe because its water weight most likely) and then it takes a little more effort to start losing more so i'll need as much time as i can have to workout next week.

alright well i got a little work to do yet before i relax for the rest of my shift haha so i'm gonna go do that. have a good weekend everyone!

Thursday, February 4, 2010

day 4

so yesterday didn't exactly go quite as planned. i binged a little. more than a little. i really dont know how many calories i had total. ugh. i gave into 2 pieces of cheese pizza. i actually looked up the calories on those on the pizza place website and its freakin 260 calories a piece. ughhhhh. i had a huge glass of not so low calorie orange juice and then when i got home i had a granola bar and a can of mt. dew. yuck!

well i weighed myself this morning and i'm still 133.5. i won't beat myself up about yesterday anymore because it didn't go up. but it also means i have to somehow go down 3.5 lbs by some point tomorrow. i thought about running today even though i'm still on my period but i don't have time. i will tomorrow for sure. hopefully i'll be done with my period tomorrow too and that'll take off a few lbs.

i was supposed to babysit today but the kid ended up going to a friends house so at like 11 30 i'm going to go over and run errands for her mom and do a little cleaning around the house i guess til 2 30. then i work 3-11. i work 3-11 the rest of the weekend. i'm kind of excited because it's really easy for me to not pig out when i'm there. so 4 days in a row of nothing but coffee during the day and something super light in the evening should do me some good =) plus i drink water like a fish when i'm working lol and i definitely don't do that when i'm home.

i'll update later. not sure what my intake is gonna be yet

b: coffee - 45
l: slice of bread w/ peanut butter - 110
d: diet coke -0
TOTAL: 155/155

can't wait to run tomorrow. i should be done with my period. a little nervous about my weigh in though. i CAN'T binge tonight when i get home!!!

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

day 3

it's 10 30 and i just woke up a little bit ago. oops. well the lady whose kids i babysit just texted me and asked if i wanted to come over soon and do a long day (i'm already there from 5-10 tonight) so i guess i'm gonna go over at noon. yay 10 hours of easy money lol. can't turn that down.

can't wait til i'm done with my period. i weighed myself when i got up and i'm 133.5. bleh. at least i'm down from monday. it just makes me so mad that i was 127 a month ago. o well. i'm a little bloated of course so when my periods done hopefully it'll go down at least a pound or 2. whether i'm done with my period or not, i'm gonna run on friday. thats my weigh in for being 130 and i HAVE to make it.

i haven't really figured out my eating plan for the day. i'm gonna be gone babysitting from 12-10 so at least i'll be away from my parents so they cant force me to eat. sometimes when i babysit i just get bored and that makes me want to eat. i guess i'm gonna try to drink at least one glass of water every hour to keep me full and if i feel like i'm gonna binge, i'll chug a bunch more til i feel sick and cant' eat. i had to do that last night at work to avoid a cookie haha. it worked =D

-b: coffee - 45
-l: yogurt - 50
-d: salad -35
TOTAL: 45/130

well i need to leave in 50 minutes and i still need to shower and sort out my food to take and such so i best be on my way =D depending on how bad these kids wear me out i'll try to update when i get back tonight. have a great day everyone and stay strong!

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

day 2

10:10 am
so my legs are definitely sore from my run yesterday lol. i suppose that's a good thing. just might be harder to run today. o well. i'm still going to. i think i'm gonna try to increase the calories i burn with my treadmil workouts by around 50 until im easily burning 1000 at a time like i used to be able to. so since i burned 515 yesterday, today my goal is 550+. i'm so happy i'm working tonight so i get out of supper. altho, i only work short shift tonight (4-8) instead of regular (3-11) so hopefully i wont come home and binge.

last night me and my fiance were fighting. since we don't get to see each other that much i suppose, he used to ALWAYS ask me to send him pictures of myself (naughty or not haha) and occasionally i will but most of the time i just feel so bad about myself/my body i usually say no so he really doesn't ask that much anymore but last night he did. and i kind of jokingly said something like 'why don't you ask me again when i weigh 100 lbs' and then he said that he wouldn't date me anymore if i weighed 100 lbs. then we started talking about my...issues. he said 'i can't believe you'd jeopardize our relationship over something like looking bony and gross. if you really loved me, you'd give this shit up' ugh i was sooooo mad. obviously he doesn't have a clue. which, i don't expect him to. but he knows i have an ED. he knows how much it controls me. he knows how depressed i am because of it. like i wouldn't give it up if i could??? i would give anything to not care about my weight like i do. well it basically ended in me telling him he doesn't' understand and then him saying i cant ever take him seriously and he was pissed. bleh. whatever. we got over it. usually the only time we ever fight is when im on my period. go figure. i was supposed to start sunday and haven't yet. i don't know why its late cuz its usually right on time but i'm sure its comin soon. ugh. bring on the bloat. just perfect since my weigh in is on friday. i wanna be 130. i weigh myself everyday. multiple times. and i wish i could stop. gonna try to do it only once today and maybe for the rest of this week.

-b: coffee - 40
-l: 1/2 cup blueberries - 40
-pringles chips - 150 (ughhhh)
-d: chocolate soy milk - 150

TOTAL: 380

i actually started my period. and there are few things i hate more than running when i'm on my period. so i decided i won't run on those days. if those are the only days of every month that i don't run, i'll be very happy with that.

Monday, February 1, 2010

day 1

so i have 53 days until florida. 53 days to lose 25 lbs. it's gonna take work. of course it is. but i can do it. last night i went to the grocery store after work and stocked up on 50 calorie packs of yogurt, 50 calorie orange juice and sugar free jello haha. oh i got lettuce too.

when i was trying to figure out a plan, i thought about doing the ABC diet for as many days as i could and then coming up with something else after that. i've done the ABC diet a few times and the farthest i made it was day 13 and that was only once. the rest weren't so good lol so i decided not to do that. i think if stay under 500 cals/day and burn off 500+ in my workout i should be ok. i can easily stay around 300 in my diet and when i work out i usually burn close to 1000 or more. of course i haven't worked out in...oh over a month. probably close to 2. wow thats sad. today's workout might be tough lol. i think that for the first 2 weeks i'm gonna strictly just run and get back into that and then after that i'm gonna add weights and do some strength training too. i wanna look amazing in my new bikini but i have so much work to do. my arms are huge. my thighs touch. my stomach is almost flat but i have massive obliques. i have no idea how to get rid of them =( ive never been able too. im just gonna hope that if i lose 25 lbs some of that weight will come from them lol. my hips are so wide too =( i hate my body. i swear i look almost good from the side but from the front i look so much worse cuz my hips and obliques are so wide. fuck curves!!!

-b: coffee x2 - 80
-l: yogurt - 50
-d: sushi -490?

no work tonight so i cant get out of dinner =( bleh. altho i work every other night this week except wednesday and i might be babysitting then so go me! lol. i'll update later
have a good day everyone =)


-treadmil -515

so i just got done running and showering and omg i needed that so bad. i know, burning 515 calories is nothing but i feel so much better and it really got me motivated and wanting to start running everyday again.

so i'm getting out of supper at home tonight. yay! i'm going out for sushi with one of my friends. i really have no idea how many calories sushi has. i get spicy salmon sushi everytime i go to this one place and they dont have the nutrition facts on the restaurant website so i'm going by what it says on calorieking.com which is 487. i actually rounded up to 490 but yea. if thats correct, im going over my 500 calorie limit by 120 =/ i'm not too worried because i did work out and this is only the first day. when im not used to restricting for a while it's always a little hard to jump right back into it and 620 is close so whatever. maybe i'll do some crunches or something tonight before bed. well i need to go get ready to go...

Saturday, January 30, 2010

back! =)

wow. i haven't updated in ages. well...basically 6 months. looks like i have lots of reading to catch up on in everyones blogs =)

the past few months or so my ED has been coming and going. well i suppose the control of it would be a better way to put it. my boyfriend came to visit in december on his winter break from school. he came on christmas and stayed 2 1/2 weeks. before he came i was trying so hard to get my weight down and i was down to 126 which isn't great but that's as low as i've been in a LONG time so i was pretty excited. but when he's here my control always goes out the window and we eat out so much and buy junk food and everything else terrible and i always gain weight =( when he left i was somehow back up to 135. talk about depressing! well thats the bad news. the good news is we're engaged =D i'm so excited! we didn't set a date yet but it'll most likely be next summer sometime.

well he went back and yeah i got a little depressed over that but more so probably over my weight. i haven't really done a whole lot about it yet. sadly. but on march 26 i am going to florida with my grandma for about 10 days or so. shes been planning on going for a long time and just asked me if i wanna go with her the other day and of course i said yes lol. my aunt and uncle live in daytona and they have 3 kids in jacksonville, somewhere else in florida and atlanta, georgia so we're gonna go visit them. well all of a sudden my motivation for losing weight is back. i'm trying to come up with a really good plan. im still 135 and my goal is to be 110 by march 26. so basically 25 lbs in 8 weeks. i'm pretty sure i can do it. i know i can if i stick to a good plan. i actually ordered 2 bikinis from victorias secret today both in smaller sizes than what i am so that better keep me motivated! $150 later... lol. i was thinking about how i wanna lose this weight so incredibly bad and i thought i should come back to my site here cuz posting goals/progress and reading other blogs usually helps. me.

well i might post later tonight and put my 'plan' up if i figure it out tonight.