Tuesday, February 2, 2010

day 2

10:10 am
so my legs are definitely sore from my run yesterday lol. i suppose that's a good thing. just might be harder to run today. o well. i'm still going to. i think i'm gonna try to increase the calories i burn with my treadmil workouts by around 50 until im easily burning 1000 at a time like i used to be able to. so since i burned 515 yesterday, today my goal is 550+. i'm so happy i'm working tonight so i get out of supper. altho, i only work short shift tonight (4-8) instead of regular (3-11) so hopefully i wont come home and binge.

last night me and my fiance were fighting. since we don't get to see each other that much i suppose, he used to ALWAYS ask me to send him pictures of myself (naughty or not haha) and occasionally i will but most of the time i just feel so bad about myself/my body i usually say no so he really doesn't ask that much anymore but last night he did. and i kind of jokingly said something like 'why don't you ask me again when i weigh 100 lbs' and then he said that he wouldn't date me anymore if i weighed 100 lbs. then we started talking about my...issues. he said 'i can't believe you'd jeopardize our relationship over something like looking bony and gross. if you really loved me, you'd give this shit up' ugh i was sooooo mad. obviously he doesn't have a clue. which, i don't expect him to. but he knows i have an ED. he knows how much it controls me. he knows how depressed i am because of it. like i wouldn't give it up if i could??? i would give anything to not care about my weight like i do. well it basically ended in me telling him he doesn't' understand and then him saying i cant ever take him seriously and he was pissed. bleh. whatever. we got over it. usually the only time we ever fight is when im on my period. go figure. i was supposed to start sunday and haven't yet. i don't know why its late cuz its usually right on time but i'm sure its comin soon. ugh. bring on the bloat. just perfect since my weigh in is on friday. i wanna be 130. i weigh myself everyday. multiple times. and i wish i could stop. gonna try to do it only once today and maybe for the rest of this week.

-b: coffee - 40
-l: 1/2 cup blueberries - 40
-pringles chips - 150 (ughhhh)
-d: chocolate soy milk - 150

TOTAL: 380

i actually started my period. and there are few things i hate more than running when i'm on my period. so i decided i won't run on those days. if those are the only days of every month that i don't run, i'll be very happy with that.

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