day 5

terrible day! i dont know what happened! i binged. after doing so good yesterday too =( i didn't have time to run before work because my mom had a ton of shit for me to do. and today was my first weigh in day and i didn't weigh myself cuz i was scared =(

well the snow is coming down like crazy here. i think we're up to about 3 inches at least right now and it just started a couple hours ago. the roads are terrible. i'm at work now and i brought clothes for tonight and stuff incase i got snowed in. my mom brought me and doesn't wanna come out to get again later because of all the snow so i guess i'm stuck here tonight. which isn't terrible. i was kind of hoping i'd get snowed in because i hardly brought any food and i might not get to go home until tomorrow night after work at 11 so it'll serve me right for binging today lol. all i got is a 10 calorie cup of jello, 70 calorie cup of pudding, 50 calorie thing of yogurt, and a carton thing of chocolate soy milk so the next time i weigh myself i better be 130.

got my work schedule for next week and i'm off mon, tues, and wed. i'm really excited about it because i wanna spend at least 2 hrs each of those days working out. everytime i start losing weight after being at a standstill, the first 5 or so pounds are really easy (maybe because its water weight most likely) and then it takes a little more effort to start losing more so i'll need as much time as i can have to workout next week.

alright well i got a little work to do yet before i relax for the rest of my shift haha so i'm gonna go do that. have a good weekend everyone!

day 4

so yesterday didn't exactly go quite as planned. i binged a little. more than a little. i really dont know how many calories i had total. ugh. i gave into 2 pieces of cheese pizza. i actually looked up the calories on those on the pizza place website and its freakin 260 calories a piece. ughhhhh. i had a huge glass of not so low calorie orange juice and then when i got home i had a granola bar and a can of mt. dew. yuck!

well i weighed myself this morning and i'm still 133.5. i won't beat myself up about yesterday anymore because it didn't go up. but it also means i have to somehow go down 3.5 lbs by some point tomorrow. i thought about running today even though i'm still on my period but i don't have time. i will tomorrow for sure. hopefully i'll be done with my period tomorrow too and that'll take off a few lbs.

i was supposed to babysit today but the kid ended up going to a friends house so at like 11 30 i'm going to go over and run errands for her mom and do a little cleaning around the house i guess til 2 30. then i work 3-11. i work 3-11 the rest of the weekend. i'm kind of excited because it's really easy for me to not pig out when i'm there. so 4 days in a row of nothing but coffee during the day and something super light in the evening should do me some good =) plus i drink water like a fish when i'm working lol and i definitely don't do that when i'm home.

i'll update later. not sure what my intake is gonna be yet

DAMAGE
b: coffee - 45
l: slice of bread w/ peanut butter - 110
d: diet coke -0
TOTAL: 155/155

can't wait to run tomorrow. i should be done with my period. a little nervous about my weigh in though. i CAN'T binge tonight when i get home!!!

day 3

it's 10 30 and i just woke up a little bit ago. oops. well the lady whose kids i babysit just texted me and asked if i wanted to come over soon and do a long day (i'm already there from 5-10 tonight) so i guess i'm gonna go over at noon. yay 10 hours of easy money lol. can't turn that down.

can't wait til i'm done with my period. i weighed myself when i got up and i'm 133.5. bleh. at least i'm down from monday. it just makes me so mad that i was 127 a month ago. o well. i'm a little bloated of course so when my periods done hopefully it'll go down at least a pound or 2. whether i'm done with my period or not, i'm gonna run on friday. thats my weigh in for being 130 and i HAVE to make it.

i haven't really figured out my eating plan for the day. i'm gonna be gone babysitting from 12-10 so at least i'll be away from my parents so they cant force me to eat. sometimes when i babysit i just get bored and that makes me want to eat. i guess i'm gonna try to drink at least one glass of water every hour to keep me full and if i feel like i'm gonna binge, i'll chug a bunch more til i feel sick and cant' eat. i had to do that last night at work to avoid a cookie haha. it worked =D

DAMAGE
-b: coffee - 45
-l: yogurt - 50
-d: salad -35
TOTAL: 45/130

well i need to leave in 50 minutes and i still need to shower and sort out my food to take and such so i best be on my way =D depending on how bad these kids wear me out i'll try to update when i get back tonight. have a great day everyone and stay strong!

day 2

10:10 am
so my legs are definitely sore from my run yesterday lol. i suppose that's a good thing. just might be harder to run today. o well. i'm still going to. i think i'm gonna try to increase the calories i burn with my treadmil workouts by around 50 until im easily burning 1000 at a time like i used to be able to. so since i burned 515 yesterday, today my goal is 550+. i'm so happy i'm working tonight so i get out of supper. altho, i only work short shift tonight (4-8) instead of regular (3-11) so hopefully i wont come home and binge.

last night me and my fiance were fighting. since we don't get to see each other that much i suppose, he used to ALWAYS ask me to send him pictures of myself (naughty or not haha) and occasionally i will but most of the time i just feel so bad about myself/my body i usually say no so he really doesn't ask that much anymore but last night he did. and i kind of jokingly said something like 'why don't you ask me again when i weigh 100 lbs' and then he said that he wouldn't date me anymore if i weighed 100 lbs. then we started talking about my...issues. he said 'i can't believe you'd jeopardize our relationship over something like looking bony and gross. if you really loved me, you'd give this shit up' ugh i was sooooo mad. obviously he doesn't have a clue. which, i don't expect him to. but he knows i have an ED. he knows how much it controls me. he knows how depressed i am because of it. like i wouldn't give it up if i could??? i would give anything to not care about my weight like i do. well it basically ended in me telling him he doesn't' understand and then him saying i cant ever take him seriously and he was pissed. bleh. whatever. we got over it. usually the only time we ever fight is when im on my period. go figure. i was supposed to start sunday and haven't yet. i don't know why its late cuz its usually right on time but i'm sure its comin soon. ugh. bring on the bloat. just perfect since my weigh in is on friday. i wanna be 130. i weigh myself everyday. multiple times. and i wish i could stop. gonna try to do it only once today and maybe for the rest of this week.

DAMAGE
-b: coffee - 40
-l: 1/2 cup blueberries - 40
-pringles chips - 150 (ughhhh)
-d: chocolate soy milk - 150

TOTAL: 380

11:47
i actually started my period. and there are few things i hate more than running when i'm on my period. so i decided i won't run on those days. if those are the only days of every month that i don't run, i'll be very happy with that.

day 1

so i have 53 days until florida. 53 days to lose 25 lbs. it's gonna take work. of course it is. but i can do it. last night i went to the grocery store after work and stocked up on 50 calorie packs of yogurt, 50 calorie orange juice and sugar free jello haha. oh i got lettuce too.

when i was trying to figure out a plan, i thought about doing the ABC diet for as many days as i could and then coming up with something else after that. i've done the ABC diet a few times and the farthest i made it was day 13 and that was only once. the rest weren't so good lol so i decided not to do that. i think if stay under 500 cals/day and burn off 500+ in my workout i should be ok. i can easily stay around 300 in my diet and when i work out i usually burn close to 1000 or more. of course i haven't worked out in...oh over a month. probably close to 2. wow thats sad. today's workout might be tough lol. i think that for the first 2 weeks i'm gonna strictly just run and get back into that and then after that i'm gonna add weights and do some strength training too. i wanna look amazing in my new bikini but i have so much work to do. my arms are huge. my thighs touch. my stomach is almost flat but i have massive obliques. i have no idea how to get rid of them =( ive never been able too. im just gonna hope that if i lose 25 lbs some of that weight will come from them lol. my hips are so wide too =( i hate my body. i swear i look almost good from the side but from the front i look so much worse cuz my hips and obliques are so wide. fuck curves!!!

DAMAGE
-b: coffee x2 - 80
-l: yogurt - 50
-d: sushi -490?


no work tonight so i cant get out of dinner =( bleh. altho i work every other night this week except wednesday and i might be babysitting then so go me! lol. i'll update later
have a good day everyone =)

3:15

CONTROL
-treadmil -515

so i just got done running and showering and omg i needed that so bad. i know, burning 515 calories is nothing but i feel so much better and it really got me motivated and wanting to start running everyday again.

so i'm getting out of supper at home tonight. yay! i'm going out for sushi with one of my friends. i really have no idea how many calories sushi has. i get spicy salmon sushi everytime i go to this one place and they dont have the nutrition facts on the restaurant website so i'm going by what it says on calorieking.com which is 487. i actually rounded up to 490 but yea. if thats correct, im going over my 500 calorie limit by 120 =/ i'm not too worried because i did work out and this is only the first day. when im not used to restricting for a while it's always a little hard to jump right back into it and 620 is close so whatever. maybe i'll do some crunches or something tonight before bed. well i need to go get ready to go...

back! =)

wow. i haven't updated in ages. well...basically 6 months. looks like i have lots of reading to catch up on in everyones blogs =)

the past few months or so my ED has been coming and going. well i suppose the control of it would be a better way to put it. my boyfriend came to visit in december on his winter break from school. he came on christmas and stayed 2 1/2 weeks. before he came i was trying so hard to get my weight down and i was down to 126 which isn't great but that's as low as i've been in a LONG time so i was pretty excited. but when he's here my control always goes out the window and we eat out so much and buy junk food and everything else terrible and i always gain weight =( when he left i was somehow back up to 135. talk about depressing! well thats the bad news. the good news is we're engaged =D i'm so excited! we didn't set a date yet but it'll most likely be next summer sometime.

well he went back and yeah i got a little depressed over that but more so probably over my weight. i haven't really done a whole lot about it yet. sadly. but on march 26 i am going to florida with my grandma for about 10 days or so. shes been planning on going for a long time and just asked me if i wanna go with her the other day and of course i said yes lol. my aunt and uncle live in daytona and they have 3 kids in jacksonville, somewhere else in florida and atlanta, georgia so we're gonna go visit them. well all of a sudden my motivation for losing weight is back. i'm trying to come up with a really good plan. im still 135 and my goal is to be 110 by march 26. so basically 25 lbs in 8 weeks. i'm pretty sure i can do it. i know i can if i stick to a good plan. i actually ordered 2 bikinis from victorias secret today both in smaller sizes than what i am so that better keep me motivated! $150 later... lol. i was thinking about how i wanna lose this weight so incredibly bad and i thought i should come back to my site here cuz posting goals/progress and reading other blogs usually helps. me.

well i might post later tonight and put my 'plan' up if i figure it out tonight.

=)

i'm in a good mood today. yay me =) lol. prolly cuz i did good yesterday. my total calories was 285 and my total workout was 720 cals. today my allowed intake is 400. i have 345 planned. i should be ok today. i'm babysitting at 6 tonight so that'll at least get me out of the house. i'm gonna workout before i go. today i'd like to do a little more and aim for maybe around 800 calories burned in my workout. or definitely more if i feel like it. i'm really tired tho. i woke up this morning at 5 and couldn't go back to sleep. i might end up going back to sleep in a little bit tho and workout when i wake up. i just had coffee so i couldn't work out right now anyways. i haven't weighed myself today yet but i'm really hoping for 125 or at least 126 sometime early next week. tuesday maybe. tomorrow my allowed intake is 100 so by tomorrow night i really better be below 128 (yesterday's weight) so i'll prolly weigh myself tomorrow after work. ok well i'm gonna go back to sleep i think lol. just wanted to do a quick update =)